wow. LA. who woulda thought i'd be living here? in this place where it takes 30 minutes to get anywhere? isn't it funny how we (i am including you, dear reader, though i might just be doing this to console myself) don't fully realize how much we were blessed or how much we loved and appreciated a place until you know you are about to leave? this happened to me to a certain degree, the last month and half that we were in sodak.

it was like, i kept putting off leaving, making excuses, making plans that were past our departure date...lesson learned, universe, lesson learned. now i have to make a pact with myself that i will try so damn hard, no matter where i live, no matter what i am doing, to feel gratitude, constantly, always finding the positive, the blessings that have been bestowed upon you...i mean, i think i did that pretty well when i lived in sodak.

my oldest friend told me, "layli, you can move anywhere and make it awesome, that is such an amazing quality you have". ha. and then i think about all the processes that go with finding a home, leaving a home and making a new one. constructing it, detaching yourself from the comforts....home is such a crazy concept, and soooooo critical to our survival, especially mine. i think with having my family ALL over the world [haifa, beijing, st. paul], i have had to really find my comfort and safety with the home that i create for myself; i pour my heart and soul into the place i live... and now i am in limbo...waiting, and looking, listening and praying...impatient and curious to where we will find ourselves next. i mean, its exciting, right? sure it is, but sometimes i remember that i am a grown adult and i FEEL like i need to have a PLAN. wtf is that anyway? a thing i can tell people so that they know where to compartmentalize me and my life and make sense of things? i think when people ask us what we're doing, i am going to tell them we are going to live in our element down by the river.

our "send off" from rapid city was so damn humbling and overwhelming; i was so struck by how blessed we are, and how our lives are truly precious and that there are families waiting to include you and love you and adopt you, no matter where you are, there are lands and skies, clouds and waters that are wanting you to pray at, to gather at, to call home. just waiting for you, to open your spirit with gratitude, question, attentiveness and awareness, all the while, trying to experience grace.

wish me luck.


Ray said...

Wow. You need to call me now. You have some explaining to do lady!

Rachel said...

This is very pretty, thanks for writing it.